Home Questions to Mormons ALL QUESTIONS Dating and marrying a non-mormon
Dating and marrying a non-mormon
Written by James
Sunday, 30 August 2009
I have a general question... I currently find myself in a rather difficult situation where I (a non member) of the Church of LDS have fallen for a devout believer. This is not a whimsical interest, when have known each other for nearly a year now, it is also a mutual interest, we have discussed our feelings for each and agree that there is a real potential for a relationship. Now as I explained before she is a devout believer. This immediately creates some obvious obstacles given the fact that I am not a member, the main ones being: No sex before marriage No alcohol No tea/coffee Restricted activities on Sundays Now I appreciate that these are only a few of the more general restrictions/guidelines that are in place. But we talked about them. Regarding the no sex before marriage I said why not give the relationship a go, then if in six months or so time we find out we are not that compatible, we could part, but if it is going very well we can continue. I have had sex before but have also been for long periods without it, and explained to her that if we were in a serious relationship that we both thought was heading somewhere I could handle holding off having sex until we were married. As for the other things, I feel confident that we could work around them. Any way, just as it looked like we were reaching a situation where we might be about to give things a go, she told me about the temple, and how in order to be sealed/united together in this life and the next you need attend a ceremony there after your civil marriage ceremony in order for this to happen. The catch...only LDS members can enter the temple. Now this seems to have put the brakes on anything potentially happening between us. She’s of the view (as am I) that if we start dating it would become fairly serious and could well lead to marriage, but that as I am not a member we would not be able to be sealed united at her temple. This idea crushes her I think. She is also concerned about the difficulties of rasing a family (she wants four children) that has a parent who is not a member of LDS. She obviously wants to give her children the opportunity to join and is worried a non-member partner would make this difficult. I have tried saying that I don’t think this would be such an issue, although not a member of LDS I do believe in god and live a clean lifestyle that would fit in with hers. I think she is also worried that if she did have a crisis of faith, having a husband who was not a member would be difficult as he was not understand what she was going through and offer support/advice etc on the subject. So anyway, I have rambled on long enough, but I do have a couple of questions for you... 1) Is there any way of being sealed/united together in life without going through a temple 2) Are there strictly no exceptions whereby a non member could enter a temple? 3) And thirdly what sort of general advice could you give us concerning the situation we find ourselves in? Thanks for your help
First to answer your specific questions. There is no way to be sealed in the temple unless you are first a baptized member for one year. The purpose for waiting a year after baptism is to allow the new member an opportunity to learn and understand the basic principles of the gospel and to show you are committed to living the gospel.In the temple we learn more of the Plan of Salvation and how we can return to live with God forever. It is a similar rationale to when Christ taught in parables. Those who were ready to listen and understand were taught truths that helped them on their path to progress in following God's teachings. Those who were not were under any obligation or responsiblity to live what they were taught. In other words they were not held accountable to live commandments because they did not know about them or understand them enough to live them. As for having a relationship with parents who do not have the same religious belief, I think now it is easy to believe you could make it work but when you are in the middle of raising a family having different opinions could cause friction and confusion. I grew up with an inactive parent and it was hard as a child to decide if I wanted to go fishing on Sunday or church. I had mixed messages. I saw one parent drinking beer and the other one telling me it was not healthy for our body and it was against the commandments. As a parent now, I have seen the benefits of both me and my spouse teaching the same principles and backing each other up in tough situations. Your belief system and values really impact everypart of your life and even more so as you raise children.
Not dating until 16 is counsel that the youth of the church has had for many, many years. The specific reference is in a pamphlet called "For the Strength of Youth". You can read it for yourself here: nullFor the Strength of Youth
Most LDS youth follow this counsel - although there will always be some who choose otherwise.
My husband, who is non Mormon...as am I and our children, had a son with a Mormon girl when they were teens. Because of his strong lack of beliefs, he allowed the mother's Mormon husband to adopt his son. We did not see him for years. We have since been reunited with him. Aside from converting, which I don't see happening?? Is there anything we can do for him to support his faith?? That he may be uncomfortable asking us or his dad to do?? We love him very much.
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