Dear Roberta, I admire your courage to seek out answers to your inermost questions and/or concerns. It proves to me that you are in want of the truth about sacred things. This is a good start. You will have lots of friends and support here. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and have been in good standing with the church for over 30 years. It is important for you to know that. I will assist you in anything you need to know as far as I am capable of. I know that God lives. Anyone can have the priviledge of knowing that. He knows your concerns and your aflictions. You can come to know Him and have peace of mind on that alone. Hang on and don\'t give up. This could be the opportunity for you to receive truth, light and knowledge. At your service for further assistance.