Lets start off by I\'m sorry. My heart felt your pain as I was reading your comments, because I was there not that long ago-well 3 years ago on June 10th I was baptized. I had questions and concerns about everything that I was being taught and even things that I was being told and had yet to learn for myself. I had the same feeling of no spiritual home. I still don\'t know the answer to your question, and I hate to hear of your bad experience at your ward. I do know that if I have a question, which I often do, and I can not find that answer in the scriptures myself, someone can. The best thing I find about this gospel is that there is ALWAYS an answer. I also know that our Father in Heaven loves us enough to understand our feelings. Even if we die and our Father tells us that we were completly wrong about our religion, He loves us enough to understand and and teach us. I have no worry for you- you have said that you pray- you will find the answer you are looking for. A great quote I read in an article said, \"We have no need to be ashamed for we are God\'s own children, and though we are not yet what we will be, the Lord loves us and wants us to catch the glimmers of ourselves that he sees.\" This is amazing because we know that no matter what we do -the Lord loves us. I hope I have said something that makes you feel better.  
~Jess