I feel like I am intruding but as I read your comments I just felt that I had to enter a reply. I wish for your situation to improve. Jett is right. Don\'t give up trying. The fog will lift. Pray, pray and pray some more. God will hear your prayers and know your desires. I can feel you are hurting. I too have battled hopelessness. Maybe it is part of the human experience. It isn\'t scripture but the following helped me. In classical literature there is a book called Dante\'s Inferno by Dante Aligiheri and in the story there is a sign over the doorway or gate to hell and it reads like...\"abandon hope all ye who enter.\" Like in the book we seem trapped in a hellish place when hope is abandoned. We don\'t abandon hope on purpose. Life is difficult and hellish at times. I believe people don\'t choose to be hopeless. We just need some reaction time. The breath of hope gets knocked out of us when we get hit by life\'s Mack trucks. We experience it. What is scripture comforts us and teaches us that Jesus Christ and his atonement is our hope. Christ has given us a reason to hope for better than this life offers. A way to rise above all the mire. In my experience when a door was slammed in my face somewhere a window of opportunity was opened. I never knew that in the midst of all of the fog and sadness and living with the situation and consequences of my life . Hopelessness cripples you emotionally and spiritually. Perhaps those doors close to get us to another place. Perhaps even a better place. It was a better place for me anyway. My Mack truck was a biggie. We went through a bankruptcy, a third attempt at adoption fell through, that year I buried my father, two days after the funeral my husband left, eventually got divorced, childless, had to put my beloved dog down due to cancer, had no health insurance and had to have a hysterectomy, received no financial support during nor after the divorce, dreamless and hopeless. I saw no future. I couldn\'t get out of bed and I wanted to die. We lost a home, my job paid just a little over minimum wage, never had a child and now never would with having that surgery. So what do I do? End it or crawl out of bed and try some more? Through prayer with no real answers from God I got out of bed, saw a Dr. and got on with life. I quit my job and moved across the nation back to my childhood home. Humiliated, scared, and feeling like a failure in every possible way I braved going back to college at 36. I went into debt but it was minimal compared to most students. I landed a few scholarships and I studied something I always wanted to do. Stressed but hope began to grow again and I re-built my life with the help of God and my loving family. I got healthy, tanned, relaxed and happy. I graduated at 40, got a job, remarried 7 years after my divorce to a wonderful man and I love my job. What I saw as total failure was an opportunity for a happier life. I did not know it back then. I just prayed continuously. As for children...well I have 150 beautiful little faces every day bringing joy into my classroom as I bring joy to them through song. I have a new home. It took ten years and I had no idea where god was leading me. No, not all of my struggles are gone. My hope wanes at times but I remember where I used to be and think I won\'t abandon hope and enter that hellish gate. Though we may think so at times God doesn\'t abandon us. Don\'t give up on yourself. As for your past, I can see how it could be difficult for you regarding employment but keep looking. The holy spirit will move someone in power to hire you regardless of your felony. Your penance was done. Your sincerity will work for your good. What kind of work do you really want to do? Where would you like your life\'s contribution to be? Seek for what brings you joy. The scriptures say that men are that they might have joy. The might part is up to us. Pay your tithing. God doesn\'t need our small pittance of 10%. He has everything and owns everything. We need that experience of obedience and faith. Miracles can happen. Blessings will happen. Debts...well they can\'t shoot you over them or take your name away. You obviously want to be able to pay them. As humbling and as hard as it can be most creditors will work with you on lowering interest fees and payments. They too are hurting. Our nation isn\'t faring too well either. I don\'t know where God will lead you but I know he will lead you where you can do the most good and feel good about yourself. There is or will be a window opened out there. Be open to the spirit of the holy ghost.